Sunday, November 24, 2013

New Persona Games!

Atlus has revealed 4 new Persona games, and none of them are on the next-gen consoles. Keeping them on established consoles is awesome, since I'm not buying either new console until I see a decent variety of games I want to play released on them.

What we got so far is:

Persona 5



There isn't anything in this trailer regarding characters, only hints of a vague story idea. Still, I can't wait! It will be released on the PS3 in Japan in the winter of 2014.

Persona Q Shadow of the Labyrinth


It's a crossover between Persona 3 and 4, and it's being released for the Nintendo 3DS. I don't have one, but I'll pick one up for cheap when this is eventually released over here. This actually looks pretty cute, so I'm looking forward to this one. In Japan, the release date is set for June, 2014.

Persona 4 Dancing All Night



A rhythm dancing game starring the P4 characters. This is for the PsVita and honestly I have zero interest in it. It will be released in Japan in the autumn of 2014.

Persona 4: The Ultimax Ultra Suplex Hold



A sequel to the P4 Arena game. It's for the Ps3, which I like. But another Arena installment? I wonder why they don't just release DLC for the Arena game they already have. Arena is a decent game...but as is the way with fighting games, they'll milk it till they just can't any more. I have read that Adachi is making a return, and that's intriguing, at least. Release date for Japan set for summer 2014.

So, I'm basically only interested in Persona 5 and Persona Q. Regardless, this is huge news! I haven't been interested in any new games for a while. I miss this feeling!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

What Does The Fox Say? *Spoilers!*


It says *yip*. Now get over it. I'm tired of teenagers asking what does the fox say. IT SAYS *yip*. Teens these days.

Just in case you don't know what I'm taking about, this song is a new passing craze. Strange as all hell, annoying as all hell.


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Twin Peaks Heart Break


No, no, no. Hoe, get away from Agent Cooper.

This is Agent Cooper's...mistake. Not to be taken seriously.


Remember this lady? If Cooper can't be with me because he's a fictional character, than at least be with Audrey! She's awesome! And he's losing her to the pilot. 


Can't Windom Earle or any other homicidal resident of the town just murder her? She works at the Double R Diner-go get her! 

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Twin Peaks

Now that I'm done watching the second season of Revenge, I had to move on. I was watching Twin Peaks along with Revenge, but TP has more episodes and I was having problems watching some of the episodes, so Revenge was finished first. I'm in the second season of TP, trying to find time to watch episode 12.

I was drawn to TP because of Deadly Premonition, one of my favourite games ever, was heavily inspired by this show. Also, musician Amanda Palmer has an album called "Who Killed Amanda Palmer", referencing TP.

Twin Peaks was made in 1990, and it focuses on the violent death of one local girl named Laura Palmer. Enter Agent Cooper, sent to solve the case. He's an odd man who takes advice from dreams, relies on the "Tibetan method", speaks to a recorder and addresses a woman named Diane, and he gets the job done. And he's totally hot and freakn' awesome.

If you don't find him dangerously hot
then I can't be your friend. Seriously, get
out of my house.
Agent Cooper
I feel like Cooper a lot. My brain has a strange way of processing things. I am drawn to the absurd and damnit, if my dreams are going to be that cryptic and weird, I'm going to let them lead a murder investigation too.

Lucy
Best secretary, ever. I want to work in a
Sheriff's office now. 
I thought I'd hate her at first. I really did. Then she grew on me. Her soft, yet almost squeaky voice is adorable. Listening to her and Andy talk about "sperms" is also the most hilarious interactions I have ever heard. She does her job, noticeably slowly and carefully transferring calls. What I admire and can relate to is how hard she tries. Most of the time I'm in a shadow of self-doubt. Lucy just does her best, and she does do her job. They get a temp at one point who isn't perfect, and it is evident that Lucy manages the office effectively.  
I used this picture in a professional presentation about
taking negativity constructively.
(BTW, she's reading up on Tibet here.)
 She also does the things I wish I could do. How many times have you wanted to just sit there and stick your tongue out at the snarly FBI agent because he's making fun of your hair? I run into this ALL THE TIME.

Audrey

Damnit, why do they both have to
be so good looking.
The girl here is Audrey. I immediately loved her. But then I was like, Stop flirting with my man, hoe. It's ok though, because as the story progresses, she shows herself to be a kind person who goes out of her way for others. She admits that she didn't really know Laura, but she feels like her. Like no one understands what they are on the inside. She puts herself in terrible danger to help solve Laura's murder. Oh, and she's drop dead gorgeous. Good thing these high school kids aren't played by actors who are the characters' ages. Audrey is supposed to be 18, her actress, Sherilyn Fenn, was 25 at the time. (Mild Spoiler!) She is kept for days drugged up, and she just sleeps it off. No withdrawal, no hospitalization, nothing. She sleeps it off like a champ.

The Log Lady (Margaret Lanterman)

Shut up and listen to the log. It's smarter than you.
Sometimes I feel like the log lady. I have useful information to convey, but no one listens. She is regarded as the town crazy, and hell, I can relate, and I don't even talk to a log.  

Donuts
Can't solve murders without donuts, duh.
I love this picture, so I'm going to use it. Donuts solve everything. In fact, expect me to use this picture a lot in life. If I can get this one into a professional presentation too, I will.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Revenge Season 2!

I'm going to try to be spoiler free here...

I finished season 2 of Revenge last night, and so much happened!

So much AWESOME. 

But also so much SAD. 

Really...a little bit too much on the sad feels, because I think it'll come back to bite them in the ass next season.

And I little bit on the LAME side, because they are running out of shocking! revelations to stir up the atmosphere.

See this:

Revenge Face.
This is Emily's Revenge Face. I'm so going to ruin you. 
Or,
I am so going to murder you. 
I like the latter better. I practice it in the bathroom mirror (not really). 

Now I have to wait until next year for Season 3 to come out. I'm not sure if I'll have enough to tide me over with other shows, especially because they cancelled Bunheads! DAMNIT. I actually have a review half written for it. I'll probably watch the whole thing again and try to actually do the things I say I will do here. 

Anyway.

Emily is awesome. Revenge is awesome. More people should watch revenge so we can gush about the awesome.   

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Persona 3 Portable

For the last little while I have been playing P3P at night before bed if I don't feel like reading. Going at it a little at a time, maxing out social links and killing shadows. I'm playing as the female named Ester York (obviously) and today I got a lover! For those who know me, you'll be surprised by whole I finally picked:

SHINJIRO!
One might be asking why. I played Persona FES and I honestly didn't care for him. I liked him more than Ken, but I detest that kid so much it's hard to hate someone more than him. If you play the female protagonist, he's your Moon Social Link, so you'll get to know him more. Despite his standoffish and brutish appearance, he's pretty nice. He's caring and charming too. You'll get his watch that he lost and after that, you get hot and heavy in his room. Doing this will change a big moment in the game, and I'm looking forward to seeing it. 

I was going to be lovers with Akihiko, but since I am doing a blind run, he stopped hanging around the protagonist, and game said that Akihiko himself needs to mature. In RL I can't deal with emotional immaturity so...my protagonist went after his best friend from childhood?

Yeah...but Shinjiro, RAWR.   

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Revenge Season 2!


On August 20th, season 2 of Revenge was released. I got it a few days earlier (2, I think) because I pre-ordered it from Amazon and it arrived in the mail before it was expected.

This season differs from the previous season, as this one is more focused on taking down the Graysons, and therefore Grayson Global. There is also the tangle Emily finds herself in with her love for Jack, her kinda-pretend love for Daniel, and a new character named Aiden. I finished disk 2 today and trying to keep up with all the Grayson Global stuff is a little confusing. Between Daniel, his parents, and the Initiative, I'm finding throwing Emily and Aiden into the mix makes the situation constantly shifting. Not a bad thing, I just have to check to make sure that I know what each character is doing and why.

I like this cover better. I think the first one bothered me because of her seemingly flat chest and pushed back shoulders. This season's cover gives her a much more flattering figure, and with her back to the viewer it shows her icy personality.

Thoroughly enjoying the season so far.

Monday, August 19, 2013

The Imposter (2012 film)

I realize that I haven't been posting much, and that's because I've been working 60+ hours a week. In my down time I've been getting together with my friends to watch lots and lots of films. So I'll start writing about them every once in whenever the fuck I feel like it.

The first is:

The Imposter (2012)


This British documentary had me holding my head, asking "how the hell did all this happen?"

The fact that these events took place blows my mind.

In 1994, a Texas boy named Nicholas Barclay went missing. In 1997, a man named Frédéric Bourdin, who was seven years older than Nicholas should have been, came in and pretended to be him.

What is so unbelievably screwed up is that Nicholas's family accepts him and keeps up the charade. His eye color is wrong, his hair color is wrong, his accent is wrong-and the family wants him to fit in.

I enjoyed this immensely-it is more compelling than most documentaries. Obviously most of the footage is re-enacted, but they have both Bourdin, Barclay's family, and officials speaking to the camera. If you look into the case of the missing boy, it might make you wonder about what really happened. Because it is real, it makes me sad to remember the reality is that a 13-year-old boy is missing and there is no confirmed explanation for his disappearance.  

If you like documentaries that are actually interesting and make you question how such fuckery can exist in the world, I highly recommend the 2012 documentary The Imposter.    

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Alice: Otherlands Kickstarter

I know I haven't posted in a long time. Truth be told, I've just been too busy. 13 hour work days, 5 days a week, with Saturdays as another 5 hours, are tough on me. Video games and films are kind of on the back burner, honestly. Some very good things have happened in the last few months, so at least I can say that I am happy though all this. Some bad things have happened too, but I finally have people in my life who are truly supportive in the way that I never had before.



And here we are, with the Alice: Otherlands Kickstarter! It's a film project-hold on, I know anyone reading this will wonder why a video game series should get a film project. If this takes off, Alice might get a video game sequel. In Otherlands, Alice travels into the minds of other people, interacting with their psychology. On of the people you get to go into is Van Gogh!



Well, it will be if it gets enough money. I don't have much these days, but I donated $60. That way I can get a signed DVD of the film, not just a digital copy. I wasn't going to donate at first and I caved. I'd like to help Alice succeed in video game format, and this is how I can help. And I love the Alice story too much to just let this pass.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Xbox One and Internet Connection Absurdities


This image has been floating around the internet today. The last point, being unable to sell your games freely, annoys me to a certain degree. The first point, however, is why I am writing a post today.

Microsoft seems to think that the internet is everywhere. That there exists no places where the internet is not freely flowing into all our devices. I have written and spoken passionately about access to information. I've gone so far as to call certain politicians and governing bodies ignorant if they believe that everyone has access to the internet, and therefore, access to any information or online service that they desire or require.

The internet is not this magical thing that is everywhere. Yes, in cities you can take your devices outside and find hotspots and get on a 3 G or 4 G network. What about the people who do not live in the city?

I am currently living in two locations-a place in a city and an abode in a rural nothingness. In the country, the internet is not the norm. Not by a long shot. Perhaps Microsoft thinks that only old people lack internet or only opt for dialup. Not so. To get satellite internet, I pay over $100 a month. If you are unfamiliar with satellite internet, if it is rainy, cloudy, snowy, or windy the internet goes down. At my house, we regularly lose the internet when it gets dark. Yes, the sun goes down and the signal can't get through the very thick and scary darkness. If you have the internet here, you have this service, and it sucks.

The service is slow anyway. 5 mbps up and down. You can't really play online. The lag kills the experience. There is no joy. You're better off playing co-op on the same screen with someone right next to you. I specifically buy games that are not online games. In the city, I play the COD I and II zombie modes with friends and I enjoy it a great deal. I can't do that when I go to the country. There's no point. I don't own the games because the internet at my rural residence is not good enough.  

So now Microsoft thinks it is acceptable to want to connect to the internet. Even when it is only once every 24 hours, this isn't going to fly. Especially with me. Prime time to play video games is when it is raining. If it rains for three days, we don't get the internet. So my Xbox is going to give me the middle finger and not let me play games that I legitimately paid for. Even games that have no multiplayer or online play. This is unacceptable.

In the city, cable internet costs about $35 a month, it is extremely reliable and has unlimited bandwidth. Having the Xbox check every day isn't a terrible thing in this scenario. Except if I decided that I didn't want the internet anymore. Then my Xbox One is going to laugh in my face like it has the authority to make me buy a service not provided by Microsoft.

According to the webpage describing the Xbox One, your console will always be on and updating without your permission or knowledge of it doing so. This does not work for everyone. I do not want my devices to update automatically. Bandwidth is tight in the country. It is not unlimited and it is something that must be monitored.

You know what this makes me want to do? Buy a competitor's new console. As a reviewer for a small publication, new console prices are heavy for us. We are expected to shell out nearly $90 per issue for a new game to review. And if consoles are $1000+, manufacturers better give me a good reason to buy their consoles. So far, all I am getting are middle fingers from the future and I am not pleased.

Edit: Because the PS4 dominated, Mircosoft backtracked and have now changed up their game plan for the new console. Of course, they're making it seem like we're all stupid and overreacting, but whatever. Let's see what they actually produce.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Deadly Premonition Director's Cut Release Date

The coffee says...

April 30th 2013!

Please imagine the above text as flashing, sparkling, and vibrating in excitement. 

I was hoping for an earlier release, but at least it isn't any later. Hopefully it doesn't get pushed back. 

combat and driving is supposed to be greatly improved. I don't particularly care about the HD graphics, but I would love for the game to be improved in the controls section. When I first went in, I found the combat to be so frustrating. 

The only thing that I am disappointed about is that it is still a PS3 exclusive. Why? I hate this. I greatly prefer the Xbox 360, mostly because it is what I have and I'm not buying another console for nothing.

Anyway, I am very excited for the news. Can't wait for the end of April.  

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Kat From DmC: Devil May Cry



Kat isn’t a scantily clad model with larger-than-life breasts threatening to pop out of the fabric that is supposed to be a shirt. A lot of her art work amps up her sex appeal (and my desktop is currently sporting some of it), but in-game she is more practical. She is small, quiet, knowledgeable, innocent, loyal, helpful, and is not a combat character. Kat is a refreshing change from the previously seen cast of supporting ladies. Don't get me wrong, I loved Lady's emotional depth, and Kat keeps much of it hidden until the end. To me, Kat is a more believable character. 

That is all.  

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Monday, March 4, 2013

Snitch 2013 Film

On Friday I had a date and we went to see Snitch because...it was the only thing playing that didn't look like complete garbage. He made me pick the film and I was hoping that it wasn't going to suck and make me look like an idiot who likes bad movies (even though I am). 

It was better than I expected, but it was also different from what I expected. It has been promoted as an action thriller and it's not. It's more of a crime drama. To be honest, it was mostly ridiculously sad scenes peppered with people shooting at each other at the end. But it was mostly talking. Sad talking and sad faces. People screwing each other over because they are bastards. 

And there was a part where the protagonist, who I only call The Rock (because who cares what his character's name is) gets the snot beaten out of him. And I'm like, hey, fake and lame. You can't beat up The Rock. It doesn't work like that. 

Oh and the "Based/Inspired on True Events" (or whatever the exact phrase was) that you read at the beginning...it's not. Not as far as I have seen. It was inspired by the changes to the federal drug policy of the United States. These changes encourage people facing judge charges to snitch on each other. In reality the policy makes it a "he said she said" deal where people can start pointing fingers. 

Anyway, it was an alright movie, especially for what is in the theaters right now. An ok date movie. We got to talk about how people are assholes to each other and how everyone sucks on the ride home. 


Sunday, February 24, 2013

Silent Hill: HD Collection Xbox 360 (SH3)

The ugly cover is only the beginning...

I finally got around to really giving my time to SH: HDC. Why’d it take so long? At first, I waited for the patch. Then the patch wasn’t coming for the Xbox 360. I did Downpour and Homecoming, and then this one. When I started I was in the middle of my third move the 2012 year. I had to leave people I have become attached to, and it was particularly hard. My comfort is not found in chocolate or ice cream or chick flicks. It’s in my favourite video games. One of my all time favourites is Silent Hill 3. To stop thinking of my shitty life, I dedicated a week to getting all the achievements. Since you can easily play SH3 in about 2 hours and 30 minutes, getting all the achievements was not as hard as I was expecting. If you’re an achievement whore, this game is easy, but you also have to get all of SH2’s achievements to get them all. As of posting, I still haven’t gotten the achievements for SH2 on Hard Mode. And yes, I know that this post is long overdue, and it was difficult to organize between the two games, new and original, and the console differences.
  
Disclaimer: I love SH3. I love SH the universe. If I could only play one series for the rest of my life, this would be it. I still have my PS2 copies, and I will always love these games. I’m not opposed to change, but it better be change for the better.  

Graphics
            HD remakes of PS2 games are not the kind of things that I get very excited for, especially if there is not going to be new content. That being said, the HD graphics are...alright. Necessary? No.

Yay! Now we get to see the PH rape scene in HD! And the scene where James puts his arm into the disgusting toilet without even rolling up his sleeve!

Well, now I can die happy! </sarcasm>
            That being said, the graphics still leave something to be desired. The fog has been redone. Previously, the fog was used to hide the environments loading on the streets of Silent Hill. Additionally, it added to the creepy atmosphere-you can never quite see far enough ahead to feel safe. Now, the fog seems to be further away, giving you a larger area that you can see. But I don’t think they changed how the game loads. Outside, it is easy to run too fast for the game, causing lag and moments where you can see the environment building itself before it can be hidden by the fog. My Xbox froze 3 times outside on the streets. I have a new model Xbox, less than a year old, and as far as I recall, it has never frozen on me before this. Why does lag (like what happened in SH: Downpour) happen in games? While it wasn’t as bad as SH:D, it shouldn’t happen.

Post PS3 Patch
The patch did fix some graphical issues (but the patch was only released for the PS3). If you want a comparison, go to Youtube and do a search. The patch gives noticeable results, but not enough for me to care. However, there are still a myriad of graphical issues on the PS3, even with the patch. So in the end, an Xbox 360 patch wouldn’t have done much good anyway, because Konami gave us a Band-Aid when we needed duct tape. And Konami blatantly ignored one whole console.         
What’s funny is that the current god of the SH franchise is Tom Hewlett, who basically blames the glitches on the data they were given to port. He claims that they were given incomplete archive data, so you know…totally not their fault for delivering a broken game. However, everyone is citing the fact that Blue Point Games (who did the HD ports for the Metal Gear HD Collection, which is multiple orgasms on a disk) takes retail versions of the games and uses that data, so they always get the final version. Oh hey…that makes way more sense than using incomplete archive data! So...why didn’t anyone tell Tom Hewlett how to do this? *Face palm.    

Gamespot PS2 versions of SH2 and SH3 VS SH: HD (prepatch)


Voice Acting
            This is probably what everyone is talking about. And I’m going to talk about it because while I am a rabbit, I wear sheep’s clothing.

How do I feel about the new voices?
            The voices are...meh. I don’t know WHY this game needed new voices. Oh, wait, yes I do. It’s because Konami figured recording new voices would be cheaper and they probably didn’t expect Guy Cihi (original voice actor of James) to raise a fuss. And Mary Elizabeth McGlynn and a few others wanted to carve their names into the fame that is SH2 and SH3. And quite frankly, I used to be a fan of McGlynn. Her vocal tracks for the Silent Hill games are phenomenal and they will be songs that will probably stick with me forever. I love her songs, but I cannot respect the woman. The arrogance of this woman that oozes from her statements about the original and new SH voice actors is astounding. And she mistakenly calls Mary/Maria Marie. At least try to pretend that actually care like you say you do. You can watch a clip of her talk on Youtube, two sources being here and here. At the very least, I think they should have included the option to have the original or new voices on both games, not just SH2. I have to wonder, what was keeping them back on having the original voices on SH3? Heather’s original VA was, in fact, easy to get a hold of, contrary to the rumour that was circulating that they just couldn’t find her.     

            For the next part of the review, I will be focusing on SH3 of the HD Collection. I will post the SH2 portion at a later date.

Silent Hill 3 (HD Collection)
Hi, I consumed Ester's
high school experience.
SH3 Graphics

At times the graphics appear to be washed out when compared to the original. In the PS2 version of the amusement park dream, there is a sepia-colour fog rolling about. It is not in the HD version, reducing the atmosphere quality. Overall the lighting is better, removing the black splotches that the shadows made. It makes the setting more naturalistic, though I liked the surreal quality of the lighting. You’re trapped in/infected by the Otherworld, a whole different reality. Making the lighting naturalistic blurs the lines between the safe reality and the uncertain and dangerous predicament that Heather is dropped into. Overall the whole thing is just meh and unnecessary. 

SH3 Voice Acting
"Is every person here a mental case?"
Heather
What I liked about Heather’s character was that she is a very normal character. She’s quick to anger, loves her father, and is determined to get revenge, even though at one point it would be totally easy to drive away and not go to Silent Hill. Heather’s new voice, played by Amanda Winn-Lee, sounds so nasally. You know what it sounds like? A grown ass woman trying to sound like an anime character. The old Heather, Heather Morris, sounded much more natural, and the new Heather lacks the enthusiasm in key moments (i.e. “Don’t talk about my dad like that!”-of course, the noise of her hand hitting the door is absent, killing the intensity of the moment). She was alright during the climax at the apartment, though I dislike that they altered Heather’s speech to Claudia. OMG, they added a swear, now Heather means business. Like no one took her seriously before. Don't try to fix what isn't broken. 

"You know that only God can
save us."
Claudia
The new Claudia, voiced by Laura Bailey, is bland. I feel like she lacks the conviction of old Claudia, played by Donna Burke. She does try to sound like the old Claudia to no avail. Claudia is a religious fanatic. She knows, without a doubt, that she can bring God. God will come and purify the world with fire and usher in a new paradise. She will create a new world that is free from all suffering. Her convictions are unwavering. When she set out to do her task, even though she knows that her sins are too great for redemption, in her heart she knew she is right to do it. And I feel like Bailey just doesn’t convince me of these deep aspects of her character. Most of the time she sounds bored. This character is integral to the plot. She is the antagonist and has an emotional connection to Heather. She orders an atrocious act that shatters Heather, causing her to switch from her “let’s escape from all this crazy BS” to “let’s vivisect Claudia” mindset. With her new voice, she is basically as threatening as a cardboard cut out. Story complexity just went down the toilet.

"Monsters? They look like
monsters to you? Don't worry.
It's just a joke!"
Vincent
Vincent. Oh, god, poor Vincent. His old voice revealed just how messed up he was. It was unsettling. The new VA, Yuri Lowenthal...isn’t creepy. His voice lacks that certain nuance that makes you unsure about him. He holds all the answers, but he is clearly lying and quite possibly mentally unstable. With him, you’re never quite sure if you should trust him. Everything would be so much easier if Vincent would explain everything to Heather. But...as she says, “There’s something wrong with you too.” I feel like the new Vincent tries to play down what made Vincent’s character so awesome. It’s like putting eyebrows on Claudia-it’s part of the character, don’t mess with it. I know that they thought the original acting was weird. And it was, in a very good way. This new voice actor sucks phallic imagery. And you'll know him as the VA who does Sasuke Uchiha's voice from Naruto.     

"That's fine. Nobody's gonna cry
over my grave anyway."
Douglas
The original VA of Douglas, Richard Grosse (who sadly passed away before the game was released), was fantastic. The new VA, Kirk Thornton, sounds more gravelly, like the VA was pushing the “detective” stereotype. The old Douglas sounded natural. The new VA is trying to emulate the hardboiled noir guy. He tries too hard and it shows. If I had never heard the original VA, overall I would say that the performance was fine. Nothing to be excited about voice acting wise, but alright.

Sorry, Heather, the good points aren't
up here,either.
Judgement
Don’t buy the game for the graphics or the new voice acting. Don’t even buy the game new. Borrow it. Rent it. Buy it used. Don’t support a team of arrogant jerks. In the end, I don’t know why they bothered other than to have a piece of SH pie with their names on it. SH3 is watered down and subpar. Good for achievements.


*Note: Most of the pictures came from the Silent Hill Wikia

Friday, February 15, 2013

Fictional Character Valentine’s Day List: 2013 Men’s Edition

Everyone has them. If you play video games, read books, or watch television shows, you got ‘em. The fictional characters that you want to be real to whisk you away. You lie in bed at night with your significant other and think “Why can’t he/she be as amazing as [insert fictional crush]?” And when you see some other fictional bimbo getting your soul mate, you fly into rampages and swear that it can’t be cannon.
            I consume a rather alarming amount of media and I am exposed to characters that are supposed to make me fall in love with them on a daily basis. Some characters just…do it for me. I get attached to their charm, their courage, their intelligence. So much so I lament the fact they are fictional and all men cannot compare. Instead of wallowing in reality, I make lists. Today I introduce you to my list, as of 2013, in a rough, but certainly not definite order, from least to most desirable, of all the fictional men who have stolen a chunk of my heart, thereby ruining me for real men.  

Ester York’s Fictional Character Valentine’s Day List: 2013 Men’s Edition
(Mild Spoilers!)

Hannibal Lector




Appears in: TheHannibal Lector Series by Thomas Harris and the film adaptions. Played (better) by Anthony Hopkins      
       
Yes, I know. I know. I am completely aware that he eats people. Let’s get this out of the way. He only eats the “free-range rude.” These are people I dislike anyway. How many times have you encountered someone in this world who is debased and moral-less? You think I’d really just like for this person to go away. Lector, an educated and brilliant psychiatrist, is classy and traveled. He does what most people only dream of. Admittedly he goes one step further and eats people. Once you figure out why he is compelled to do it, it is an awww moment. And my fascination with the character is actually not new. Google it. It's a thing
The reason why he is so low on the list is because I couldn’t trust him to make me dinner. Also, he has been caught in the past. Do I really want to keep moving around? What if I have a house and a job and what about all my nice, neat, flaming little shit?

Patrick Jane
Appears in: The Mentalist

Jane used to be a con-artist, pretending to communicate with the dead and read minds. Then he called out a serial killer, Red John, on television. Red John retaliates by killing his wife and young daughter. He joins the California Bureau of Investigation to lend his stellar people-reading skills and to ultimately enact his revenge on Red John.
On the outside Jane is witty, perceptive, and intelligent. He manipulates people for his own ends (which are usually good) and he always gets the criminal, using techniques that are legally questionable. In the inside, he is conflicted. His mission is to kill Red John and beyond that there is nothing for him. I am all for vigilante justice. It is raw and personal. It was Jane's hubris that led to Red John killing his family and he shoulders that burden everyday that his nemesis still lives.
Jane is hot, snarky, a sharp dresser, intelligent, and totally deserving of my crush. The reason why he scores so low on my list is because in the end, he is complicated and, quite frankly, emotionally damaged. How do you compete with a dead wife, child, and vigilantism?

Paxton Fettel





                Fettel is the product of Armacham Technology Corporation's  super-secret Project Origin. As a psychic, he controls battalion of clone super soldiers with his mind. During the first game, it is revealed that Fettel has rebelled and taken the soldiers on his own mission to avenge his mother, who was experimented on by the same company in the past. His mother has a psychic link to him as well, and he goes to kill everyone involved in her project.
                To experience the memories of other people, he…eats people. But just a bit! And while, yes, this is cannibalism too, it’s not like Lector. Lector wants to eat people.  Paxton wants information. Also, he might have mommy issues, but for good reasons. I feel like he would be the kind of guy to stand up for you-and believe me, it goes along way with me. Also, he’s psychic. You probably wouldn’t have to pay for anything in a store ever again. And he has an army. An army you can use for mundane tasks like carrying your groceries. He’s also driven to get shit done. No more couch potato boyfriends! 

Solid Snake



Appears in: The Metal Gear Series and has cameo appearances in many other games.

Oh, Snake. Calm, handsome, intelligent, self-sacrificing Solid Snake.  Some might call him a loner, but do loners make a secret handshake with their best friend? Nope.  When called a hero he denies it. (It’s ok Snake, you’re the hero of my heart.) How many times has he basically saved the world from impending doom? He infiltrates and hides and shoots and has flirty banter and tranquilizes and he just always knows what the fuck is going on-*inhales*
And he has a ridiculously sexy voice. It makes me melt every time I hear it.  Something about him just drives me to throw my panties at him.
Downsides: he smokes, is a flirt, and ages quickly. The latter issue is nearly moot because even as an old guy he is beyond HAWT.  He tends to die a lot though…at least with me. SSSSSSNNNNAAAAAAAAAKE!

Francis Morgan York/Zach

Appears in: Deadly Premonition.

No one has any idea how much I am in love with this character. He’s the FBI criminal profiler sent in to solve a murder mystery gripping the town of Greenvale. Every morning he looks into his coffee to get a message for the day that may or may not relate to the case. He is an 80’s B-movie film buff, and used to be a punk-rocker. He has a large scar on his forehead that extends into his hairline and some slashes on his cheek. He is able to fight with the Shadows-monsters that appear with the purple fog. Most importantly, he frequently listens to a voice in his head, an entity named Zach. They have dialogue exchanges where the player can only hear what is being said by York.
                I have never encountered a character with so much personality. York is dynamic and has actual presence in the world around him. Have you ever dated someone who was so emotionless that he was a fucking robot? Or he keeps everything inside and lets everything stew in his head until it doesn’t resemble reality at all? At least with York he’ll tell you what he thinks, as long as it isn’t confidential information that will comprise his investigation. And I love to bake-something he would appreciate!
And…I have his last name. Coincidence? I think not. So, back off, he's mine. 
    

Friday, January 4, 2013

American McGee's Kickstarter


American McGee is the genius who made American McGee's Alice, Alice: Madness Returns, and American McGee's Grimm. From the Alice games alone, this guy is one of my favourite people in the video game industry today.

Apparently, his game development studio, Spicy Horse, needs help finishing up Akaneiro: Demon Hunters. They need $200,000 to complete this free-to-play ARPG MMO, and they have a Kickstarter where you can support them. As of writing, they have hit $12,974 with 29 days to go. Apparently, the bulk of development is already done and they are in closed beta. The last of the development is for final touches to make it the best it can be. You can learn more about the game at the official website. Considering that they aren't asking for money for a product is still an just idea in someone's head, I'd say there is very little risk in this project blowing up and becoming vaporware like Sadness. So if you have some extra cash laying around, go donate it to a game deserving of it. I'm not a huge fan of every visionary begging for money for their ideas, but at least this comes from an individual well known in his industry, who already has games under his belt that have a huge fan base, and it's almost done.