Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Revenge Season One!


Maybe you remember my rant of Revenge, over here.  I went on and on about how Emily Thorne is so badass and that I love her to bits. Well, today my copy of season 1 came in the mail! I pre-ordered it, but I didn't think I'd get it one day after release. I have a 62 hour work week this week, but I'm going to be glued to the tv every moment that I have free :) The only criticism I have is of the image that is always used for this series- the one with Emily in the black dress that goes to thorns at the bottom. Maybe it's just the fit of the dress, especially the top part. Gah. But season 2 is definitely coming. I didn't get to see all of season 1 when it was on tv, as my city kept having power outages when it was on. No kidding, for like three weeks in a row. And now I get to watch Emily being badass to my heart's content!  

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Silent Hill: HD Collection-No Xbox 360 Patch Rage

(Updated with new from August 12th 2012 at the bottom of the page.)
(Updated August 22nd 2012 below the previous update.)

I originally found the news here at Inner Fear and double-checked with Joystick over here.



The Xbox 360 version of Silent Hill: HD will NOT be getting a patch. But the PS3 version will. What the flying ass fucking fuck?
They can’t because of "technical issues and resources."
Ok, let me take this over. I got this one. You can all thank me later.  

Dear Konami,

Are you telling me that I used my resources (money) and traded for a product, a flawed product at best, and now you're telling me that you don't have the resources to fix this? But you have the resources to fix it for the PS3? 

Fuck you.

Love,
Ester York.

If the fact that SH3, my favourite, most beloved SH game of all time, got the SHITTIEST, MOST ANNOYING redub WITHOUT the option of switching to the original voices was bad enough, this is. SH3 of the HD Collection is broken as fuck. Not unplayable, no. Some will say that it is, but it isn't. But I'll tell you one thing. I WILL be playing my PS2 version. It is my "go-to" game that never gets old. I don't particularly give many shits about it being HD. Maybe just one shit, but definitely not two. If it never happened I would not have noticed. I'm not one of these pre-pubescent pansies who have nervous break downs over pre-HD quality game graphics. SH2 of the HD Collection is broken to a shit- filled hell too.  Unlike most of the Silent Hill fan base, SH2 isn’t my favourite SH game. Not my least favourite, but it’s down there. It doesn’t hold a particularly special place in my heart. Do I still want to see a glitch filled pathetic HD update of it? No. If you’re going to make something, do it right.   

Why the fuck do game companies release broken as fuck games? Yes, we can download patches. Though I have to remind you that there are, in fact, places in the world that have shitty internet connections. Up until a few months ago my parents, and therefore my younger siblings, had dial- up, and it was the slowest dial-up I’ve seen and completely unreliable. For a while they had no internet at all. They bought a game and played it as is. Game companies have to stop releasing games full of bugs to patch it later. Why don’t they, I don’t know, make a product to the best of their ability? Something that they can be proud of? If a game is rife with bugs, here’s a radical idea: DON’T FUCKING RELEASE IT. DON’T TAKE MY MONEY. Hang your head in shame and hold it back. Let’s face it, SH games are pushed back all the time. Video games in general are pushed back all the time.

What also pisses me off is that they don’t have the fucking RESOURCES. Oh, and there are fucking TECHNICAL ISSUES. Well then. Those are totally good reasons </sarcasm>.

#1. RESOURCES. I gave you my fucking money. You gave me a piece of shit not worth my time (as stated, I’ll be playing my PS2 version instead). I gave you my fucking resources in exchange for goods. Suck it the fuck up. At this point, this is your fucking fault. When I worked in a coffee place, if I made your coffee wrong and you brought it back, I apologized and made another one. You eat the fucking cost because YOU royally fucked up. I didn’t go “Shit, no can do, yo. That would cost more money.” You know, I didn’t shrug my shoulders and give up because I have an IQ above a fucking shoe box full of rocks. And because I’m not a morally deplorable dip-shit.   

#2. TECHNICAL ISSUES. The whole fucking product is a technical issue. IT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RELEASE A PIECE OF SHIT. Did they port it and not even test it? Did they get a four-year-old to test it? Who the fuck can’t see these glaring issues? Who the fuck at Konami looked at the final product and thought it was passable? Fuck you and your technical issues. Oh, these are just too fucking hard to fix, eh? Boo fucking hoo. Why don’t you release a game FREE OF ISSUES so you don’t have to fix these TECHNICAL ISSUES AFTER WE GAVE YOU OUR MONEY? Oh, fuck, is this concept just too hard?      

So what, all Xbox 360 owners are shit out of luck? Sure, we could trade in (taking a loss, btw, because trading in NEVER gets a decent return) and get a PS3 version. Except, you know, for those of us who don't own a PS3. And I guaran-fucking-tee that if they don't have the RESOURCES to fix these issues, they don't have the fucking RESOURCES to buy me a PS3.

Conclusion: Making a patch just for the PS3 and not the Xbox 360 is ass-fucking Xbox 360 owners with something long and sand-papery. Don't release broken pieces of shit to begin with. Thank you Konami for taking my money and giving me a piece of flaming rat shit in return.     

Update: Konami has released that they will exchange the Xbox 360 version. IF YOU HAVE YOUR RECEIPT AND BOUGHT IT NEW. Not only that, it isn't a refund. It's an exchange. 90% of the games on the list (you can find it here along with the news) are crap (at least to me). It's like you buy a new TV. You get it home and it's ok, but you look at the resolution and it just isn't that great. Not as sharp as it claims to be. The audio kind of sucks. It's not worth the money you paid. Maybe it's just broken. You bring it back and instead of giving you your money back or fixing it, they offer to give you something else. A radio. Well, fuck me, that's not what I want. If I wanted a crappy game from your list, I would have bought them myself. Hell, some of the games, like Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, I already have and it was a disappointment too. If I order a burger and you make it wrong, don't offer to take my burger and give me only an apple pie. Apple pie is fantastic, but it isn't what I paid for. It isn't what you promised to deliver when I gave you my money.

Update: Konami still has not offered to buy me a PS3. 

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Surreal Grotesque Issue Four

Courtney Alsop 2012

The 4th issue of Surreal Grotesque is here! Friend Courtney Alsop has reviewed the video game Catherine, and the books After and I Didn't Mean To Be Kevin.

The issue can be read here, though you have to sign in to read it, as this issue is a tad more risqué than usual (the theme is sex and death, what do you expect?). Everyone at Surreal Grotesque takes a lot of time to produce such wonderful writing, and I hope my audience here can take the time to check them out.


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The Dark Knight Rises-Catwoman


Yesterday I went on a date and I got to see The Dark Knight Rises. While [T]he date was a bust was the start of something great, at least [and] I got to see the newest Batman film. The film was ok. Just ok. Way too long, yet on the top of my head I can't think of anything to cut out. Bane wasn't a terribly scary villain. However, I also acknowledge that a new villain will never outshine Heath Ledger as Joker. The main thing I want to talk about is Catwoman.

Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises,
played by Anne Hathaway. 

When I was a kid, I loved Tim Burton's Batman Returns mostly because of Catwoman, played by Michelle Pfeiffer. I know the character has appeared before this, and that she is always evolving. I get it. But TDKR’s Catwoman is not so much a cat. Just a lady cat burglar named Selina Kyle.

Catwoman in Batman Returns, played
by Michelle Pfeiffer

No whip, no claws, no crazy meowing, no licking herself. Even the Batman: Arkham City Catwoman is more Catwomanish. I liked Anne Hathaway’s acting, and I think her looks were perfect for the role. But other than her little cat ears that go over her eyes when she needs them, what is so “catish” about her? Sure, maybe the way she seduces and then strikes. But is that enough? She doesn’t have to be crazy like Michelle Pfeiffer’s character, though it give a much more interesting aspect to her, especially concerning her relationship with Batman.



I wonder why they decided to make her less cat like? I wonder why they decided to go so far away from the Batman Returns kind of Catwoman? I think it might be because her mental instability would be too jarring for the sensitive minds of today’s audience. What is the new Catwoman’s motivation? A clean slate. Good enough, though it makes her seem regretful and less badass than she should be. But what about the old Catwoman? She wants revenge on the jerk who pushed her out the window in an attempt to kill her. Don’t we all, Catwoman? Don’t we all...