Quick Review: The Beguiled

The Beguiled (2017)

Synopsis:

Thirty bitches want the D.

Review:

Very slow film, but the ending makes it worth it.

Final Say:

Keep your stitches straight, ladies!

Mass Effect Trilogy

I picked up the Mass Effect Trilogy a few days ago. I'm not sure why I had been thinking about it so much lately. Years ago I watched someone get (probably all) the achievements, and that's it. I'm not a hard-core sci-fi fan (though I do love Serenity and Battlestar Galactica) and I find shooters to be terribly difficult for me.

But I got it, and I'm glad I did.

I should crop this picture, but I'm lazy, so I won't.

It's like everything else in my life: I am grateful, but so many people want a piece of my time pie.

Vaporeon approves.

My only problem is that the set has no instruction manuals. I know that is par for the course of new games, but you know what sucks about unreliable internet connections? Anyone can finish my thought here. But I can't remember how to throw grenades, and I'm not too keen on pausing the game to type my question into my phone, which may or may not want to establish a connection to my wifi.

I managed to make a pretty fem Shepard. Most of the time she looks worried and fragile. I'm being a good pushover at the moment, and I will do a run where I am a psychopathic bi-atch.

I was speaking to Garrus, and I read the dialogue and I tend to make the speech jump to the next part (because ain't nobody got time for that), and I think he hates me now. He won't talk to me on the ship anymore. But that's ok, because I got...

Picture from Wikia. 

I like the Quarian story, and it is similar to the story of Battlestar Galactica. Tali is intelligent, optimistic, and generally kind.

I also got...

Picture from Wikia.

Wrex! He's so violent. He gets the job done. But he's also concerned about the genophage. Good guy, right here.

I've read that on this play through I should focus on Liara, but I already like my team. Not sure if I have to have them on my team to complete their quests. Like I said, there's so very little time to play anything anymore, researching how to get all the achievements is an investment (and full of spoilers, argh!).

I've also read that Mass Effect 4 is in the works. I'm so far behind I know that by the time I can play it, I can get it for cheap.

And that's it. No more time pie for you. 

Playing Final Fantasy VI Part 6

I've been trying to get this post up since last weekend, but my internet has been moody with the weather.

Alright, Celes is back.

And she brought the jerk who I paid 3,000 gil to help me kill one random battle. Hey, jerk face.

Locke: Sorry I was dick and I doubted your allegiance. So…wanna go back to the inn and…ok.

Stay away from the summoner- never mind.

I hope I get to fight this engine room. Apparently it’s so dangerous, it’s all these guys can talk about.

Drunky.

Really?

Back to Thamasa.

Aw cuteness!

I am confused about how far I got in the game years ago, though. I know the story up to a point. But I don’t remember this part at all.     

"Mama, use Cure on me!" This picture isn’t mine (I found the original here). I didn’t get a screenshot of it. If my hellspawn ever decides to get here, this is going to be their vocabulary to confuse people.

Also not mine (found the original here), as I couldn’t get the fire at the right moment.

Just another pyro kid. We had tons of these in my town when I was growing up. No magic involved in either case.

He’s going to help the little girl that’s on fire, jackass.

WHY DIDN’T YOU TRY USING MAGIC BEFORE?

I do remember this part, btw. My patchy memories of this game is making me worry.

Screw off, Shadow, Interceptor had this fire under control.

And he uses a smoke bomb to get them out of a burning building, figure that out.

And he’s leaving. Again.  

Playing Final Fantasy VI Part 5

I was in the town of Thamasa. The town of assholes.

Then I got to the Imperial Observation Post.

Well, fuck. I assumed all those years of “the floor is lava!” would have prepared me for this.

Then I had a fight with Kefka. I was mildly pleased to see him.

Still really loving the battle scene cut scenes.  

And then I found Maranda, and in there I found…dog fighting? There are soldiers and townspeople gathered around the two dogs that go back and forth in the ring. If it were just the Imperial soldiers, I’d be like, Yup, Imperial scum doing scummy things. But having civvies, including a kid, involved in dog fighting makes me hate Maranda.

Yeah, right, pyro. But I’m not going to judge.

Terra, give the man some peace!

Speaking of poo…

Terra barged into the bathroom to speak to soldiers, found this one on the toilet, and proceeded to have a fight with him.

And then this happened. Great use of my last 11 seconds. I wish the soldier after was like, did you just pee in front of me? WTH game. 

Ah no not Kefka! Here come the choices of RPGs. Seriously though, you wouldn’t pardon someone after they had poisoned Doma. I didn’t think the Emperor would want me to tell him to execute him, so I said to leave him in jail.

In the end, I got the second best level of rewards. I didn’t know I was being scored, and the only thing I did wrong was opening all the chests. This game hasn’t had any repercussions for opening chests so far, so I didn’t think about it.  

I was also told to go back to the Blackjack to see a special scene with Setzer. I enjoyed getting more depth from him, and he reminds me of Cid from VII and Vaan from XII.

And here, I took a break. I’m actually starting to enjoy this game much more. The Empire has seemingly backed down, and the espers have become enraged and may destroy the world. 

Playing Final Fantasy VI Part 4

I honestly forgot where exactly I was supposed to be going. The village where I parked my airship had nothing. So I wondered to another town.

Whiiiitee giiirrrrrl waaasteeeeed!

Um...No?

I got to the town I needed to go to, but I looked away when the town name came up. So I have no idea what’s going on. Some guy wants me to go behind this crate with him...at least buy me a drink first.

You're just so cute with your vibrant clothes and evil laugh!

Squee, Kefka.

  

Oh no, Celes!

I don’t remember this from the last time I played. Apparently she is an imp? How did I not ever see this status before?

I don’t remember this at all, honestly. Which is a good thing, because I’m experiencing this again “for the first time.”

And then this asshole tried to kill me. What if I was looking for the bathroom? What if I just wanted to know if he had a moment to talk about the Invisible Pink Unicorn?

Speaking of unicorns...

It’s the laaaasstt uniiiiiicooorn!

Whoa, plot!

 Da da duuuun!

Cool it on the graphics.

 Graphics!

Then I became badass. I should look like this all the time.

I wish I hit the screenshot button a few seconds before. Two sparkles dance and fly together, and then – that’s how a baby is made!

And this is where I called it quits. I played way longer than I wanted to.

Setzer’s Slots ability in battle is fun to use. It hasn’t failed me yet, though I am sure one day it will. I was lazy and forgot to rearrange my party, so it's still Edgar, Locke, and Setzer, and I'll be too lazy to fix it tomorrow too.

Playing Final Fantasy VI Part 3

You know that feeling when you start a game, knowing that you saved right before story progression? You're like, I get to jump right in to new and exciting story development!

Story progress, DENIED.

Well, fuck you, buddy.

It’s a good thing you have good music here, because I’d burn this place down to the ground otherwise.

I KNOW. I played past this point of the game more than a decade ago. Apparently I'm not identical enough to be let into the opera house, though. At this point, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing.

 Locke is the "spitting image of Maria".

Huh. If you say so. 

The hunt for progress began. I rented a chocobo because I wanted to go fast, but this camera view is a bit annoying. I’m not sure why the creators thought this camera angle was a good idea. If there are mountain passes or caves I'm supposed to go into, I'm not going to see it. I get that it’s cool for a SNES to do this, but to me, previous and later FFs had it right. 

It took me a while, but I found Zozo. And this sketchy asshole, laying face first on the ground in the rain, tells me to trust everyone here. Sketchy as fuck. It’s like those drunk creeps who tell you they’re trustworthy and can walk you home from the bar. Nope, fuck you. 

At first, I was like fine, don’t talk to me. But after speaking to the guy above, I like this guy. At least this asshole isn’t trying to lie to me. 

The image of what appears to be a woman on the ground was surprising to me. You can infer from this man that she had tried to jump between the buildings and failed. What’s all that red between her hair? I hear a lot that final fantasy XII was the first installment to have blood, but I don’t see how you can say the redness in her hair is anything but blood. Am I just looking at this wrong?

Moving on…

This sounds like bullshit to me. Ramuh is trying to get me to free his esper friends. Maybe it’s just the cynic in me. But it would be hilarious if they freed the espers and they just flew away silently without making eye contact with the MCs. 

And he killed himself. Guess he’s totally legit. 

Too bad I don’t give a shit about this flat character.

So, I figure it out, and I go to the theatre.

Now that’s cute. I hate boys (or girls) who are torn between two people, but this little bit is adorable and there’s character development going on, though it feels a bit pulled out of the butt. But I'll take it.

Which her? Because yes.

I still hear people who say that this play is heart wrenching and romantic and their favourite part of the game. I don’t get it. It was fun to remember the lines and do the actions. Sad? No. Romantic? No. I did scratch my head at the notion of the octopus fighting out of water and making splashes on the stage.

Ah why is Edgar blushing!

And here is where I left it. I spent way too much time being lost and wondering around. I love RPGs, but this aspect deters me. However, new RPGs (like FFXIII) are too linear. There’s a fine line, and I haven’t spent too much time in FFVI hopelessly lost, so I will continue on and post again.

One last tidbit that I came across: this is the original design of chocobos by Yoshitaka Amano. This huge pink pterodactyl without wings is slightly terrifying. Like this has the capacity to chase you through the streets trying to peck you from above. So glad we got the cute bundle of yellow feathers!